~deep talks with monica~

I really hope that you can like view this hi-res or something, and take in just how nice this weird intersection is. Daily (or at least on days when I leave the apartment) I am struck by how really lovely parts of Berkeley are. I can never quite do it justice with cell phone pictures, but it’s just so nice. On campus along Strawberry Creek it is cool and green and there are huge redwoods interspersed with leafy oaks. Near the VLSB, there is a grove of pungent eucalyptus trees and ornamental cherry trees and magnolias that blossom beautifully. And just off campus to the north are such nice tree-lined streets, where the branches stretch over and form a sort of tunnel of foliage, and all along there are old victorian and more recent craftsmen and mock-Tudor houses, all venerable in their own right and set perfectly in their place.

i should really transfer, or at least move.

this year i just really really hate berkeley. there are various reasons… which i will explore below:

i HATE where i live. don’t get me wrong, the apartment itself is pretty cute, but this is my absolute least favorite area of campus. everything is uphill, there are no bus stops particularly close by, there is construction going on forever, and just nothing is close! i loved living on south side last year partly because everything was a stone’s throw away. i don’t want to cook? whatever, asian ghetto is right there. here, there’s only one restaurant close by… sure the gourmet ghetto is in this general area, but it’s still 5 blocks away! i don’t want to walk 5 blocks in the dark! also, on this side of campus, THERE ARE NO PEOPLE. it freaks me out. on south side, and even on upper north side, there are always people about. i don’t necessarily always feel like interacting with people, but i just like it when they are around. and supposedly that would make it “quieter” here, but its really not. the GPB thing across from us has generators running 24/7, there is construction going on starting every day at 7 am, and being close to a major intersection means trucks and busses and motorcycles and all manner of loud traffic. it’s the opposite of peaceful. and there are no trees here! ironic, given that there is a garden across the street from us, but its a big industrial science garden, and everything else around is just concrete and chain-link fence.

and i just hate cal. its impossible to get anyone to help me. i have navigated countless phone trees, crisscrossed campus going from office to office trying to get SOMEBODY to talk to me, but to no avail. apparently i am doing something wrong, because everyone else seems to think “oh berkeley is just so great, its so easy to get help!” bullshit. there aren’t enough resources here for the sheer volume of students coming through. and honestly i don’t even like what i’m learning in my classes. it doesn’t feel like it’s preparing me for anything. and the absolute worst thing is the fact that some of my professors give tests that are essentially “what am i thinking?” not “please display your knowledge and understanding of this concept.” it’s not fair, its not an education, and it feels like a waste of an awful lot of money.

i don’t know. i know this comes off pretty whiney, but honestly i’m just getting so sick of things here. everything is a battle. nothing works the way it’s supposed to. i just feel really beaten down.