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I realize I never posted about my training, which I should because naturally you are all on the tippy edges of your seats with anticipation to hear about it and I don’t wanna be responsible for any falls

Overall it was really cool, I’m so pumped to get to work! I’ll break it up into pros and cons:

Pros:
-ran a full code and got ROSC at the scene! that means a guy was dead, he had no pulse and he was not breathing, and using CPR, defibrillation (the shock-y paddles), and drugs, we got his pulse back, in this case while we were still at his house, which is super rare. I got to see the cool high-tech auto-CPR band once the supervisor got there, and there were like 3 crews there working on him so I didn’t actually get to help with CPR but I dealt with the patients daughter who, as you might imagine, was freaking the fuck out, I got her to calm down and give me some medical history and kept her from like throwing up or fainting. So yeah that was really cool, it was like the ultimate of everything I’ve been trained for and seeing it all in action was awesome, and I was really glad that I was so well prepared because I was a little worried that I would freak out seeing a real person in cardiac arrest but I didn’t at all, I was totally calm and I knew exactly what to expect.
-got to talk a cool 5 year old kid through a 15 minute ambulance ride to children’s because my paramedic wasn’t very good with kids haha
-got to assist with taking vitals while my medic ran altered mental status protocol on an old dude who was super out of it, we think his pacemaker had fucked up because I felt an irregular pulse

Cons
-my medic took 750 years to do any kind of paper work at all, so every time we transported a patient we had to spend at least 45 minutes at the hospital for her to fill out the PCR, even when the report was literally just “transported 5 y/o male from [hospital a] to [hospital b]. vitals remained stable en route. no further actions taken.” it somehow took 45 mins (we were at the hospital after the cardiac arrest for literally 3 and a half hours. the EMT and I just like washed the ambulance and watched YouTube videos and napped) YEAH so we only got 7 calls in the whole 12 hour shift because we spent so much time out of service while at the hospital.
-we got called for a stabbing and I was SO PUMPED I was so ready to hold some pressure on some arterial bleeding or somethin but when we got there it was the stupidest tiniest stab wound I have ever seen and I wasn’t even bleeding anymore and the guy was fine and we just transported him so he could get a tetanus shot

Anyway them’s the highlights, I am very pumped to actually do this for real, my exit tests from the program are on Friday then I have to register for the national test and take that and then I have to get my state license and THEN I have to get like local licensing or something and then I have to get hired and then I have to get a special ambulance driver’s license and THEN. I can work as an EMT-B.

I am going on my ambulance ride along as a trainee-EMT tonight. 12 hour shift, 1540-0340. I really hope nobody pukes on me.

Me: Where are the owls? WHERE ARE THE OWLS?
Hooters Waitress: Please sir, you're causing a fuss and disturbing the other customers-
Me: *banging my hands rhythmically on the table* WHERE-ARE-THE-OWLS? WHERE-ARE-THE-OWLS? WHERE ARE THE OWLS?

(Source: s-lb)

(Source: ffffound.com)

(Source: looo-ch)

I wish that when people reblogged your text posts, the reblogs would update every time you edited them. I edit posts like at least 10 times after posting, but usually after a lag period, so the couple of followers who are gonna reblog straight from me have already done it and now it’s their followers rebloggin the original unedited post and its too late and my disgusting typo-laden imperfectly worded mutant text post false-starts are floating out there in cyber space causing me SHAME

ughhh ok i’m gonna be that guy, and i’m gonna be obnoxious and i’m gonna nit-pick somebody’s harmless joke (that’s why i just screen-shotted to repost rather than reblog, i don’t wanna bug people who think this is cool and funny, good for them, that’s cool) BUT
there are a couple things wrong with this
a) water doesn’t -cause- sweating? like you need water to sweat yeah but this literally says “warning: may cause sweating (diaphoresis)”… that is not a true statement? unless it was hot water it would not *cause* sweating. micturition, yes, fine, that’s good, that’s clever, they should have just gone with that. warning: may cause micturition. may make you pee. that is a true statement. haha. drinking water is directly responsible for peeing.
b) “acute tissue hydration” bugs me… like yeah its acute vs chronic, but if you told someone you were gonna acutely hydrate their tissue they would assume you were gonna apply some form of hydration directly to (probably like one small area of) tissue itself. a better way to phrase it would be “systemic (tissue) hydration”. i think specifying “tissue” is unnecessary, what else would you be hydrating, you are made of tissue, but whatever i get that they are trying to make it as wordy and intimidating-sounding as possible. but if they are gonna do that they should at least make it accurate you know!!!!!! because kind of the whole point of the joke is somebody goes “whoa what does that mean” and then you explain and its like a little fun fact education moment, so you should get it as right as possible so it makes sense and the person learns something. they could even say “acute systemic hydration”, because “acute” does tend to make things sound real serious and i’ll grant that that’s part of the whole joke dealie

ughhh ok i’m gonna be that guy, and i’m gonna be obnoxious and i’m gonna nit-pick somebody’s harmless joke (that’s why i just screen-shotted to repost rather than reblog, i don’t wanna bug people who think this is cool and funny, good for them, that’s cool) BUT

there are a couple things wrong with this

a) water doesn’t -cause- sweating? like you need water to sweat yeah but this literally says “warning: may cause sweating (diaphoresis)”… that is not a true statement? unless it was hot water it would not *cause* sweating. micturition, yes, fine, that’s good, that’s clever, they should have just gone with that. warning: may cause micturition. may make you pee. that is a true statement. haha. drinking water is directly responsible for peeing.

b) “acute tissue hydration” bugs me… like yeah its acute vs chronic, but if you told someone you were gonna acutely hydrate their tissue they would assume you were gonna apply some form of hydration directly to (probably like one small area of) tissue itself. a better way to phrase it would be “systemic (tissue) hydration”. i think specifying “tissue” is unnecessary, what else would you be hydrating, you are made of tissue, but whatever i get that they are trying to make it as wordy and intimidating-sounding as possible. but if they are gonna do that they should at least make it accurate you know!!!!!! because kind of the whole point of the joke is somebody goes “whoa what does that mean” and then you explain and its like a little fun fact education moment, so you should get it as right as possible so it makes sense and the person learns something. they could even say “acute systemic hydration”, because “acute” does tend to make things sound real serious and i’ll grant that that’s part of the whole joke dealie

wassup i feel like trash kind of